From here to there...

Gosh I wish it would stop raining, it's always easier to be sad when it's raining. I like happy, sunny days..birds singing and kids giggling!

I'm going through some weirdness lately. I've experience the death of 2 close friends pets and that hurt like I don't know what. I've seen a side of the human race I had only heard stories about from my mom.

OH and I got the letter from the Dr. that it was time for my 6 month cancer check and I ignored it. (I know that's not cool but I am the type of person that if I ignore it I don't have to deal with it until I'm ready. Not a good way to deal with cancer) Well I planned on calling to set up the appointment when I *felt* ready but someone had other plans because my breast Dr. called my regular Dr. and she called me and fussed at me for not calling immediately. SO I go Monday at 10:45am for another MRI. I really hate MRI's and I'm not sure I have said that loud enough but I HATE MRI's!

They are loud, noisy and very uncomfortable and I hate getting them. I am also kind of aggravated that they told me last time everything appeared B9. Then why not just give me a mammogram and ultra sound in stead? WHY another MRI?? I think I'm dealing with it worse this time around than I did the first time around, probably because I know what to expect!

Laying on my stomach with a cold bar between your breast pressing against your chest bone with your forehead in some weird contraption and your arms stretched forward and an IV in one of them for about an hour or so. THAT sucks! BUT cancer would suck even more so I guess I shouldn't complain, but then again I am going through this so I guess I can complain if I want to.

I really hope that one day they cure cancer and invent better faster ways of detecting it! And they really need to not have such odd age limits on some tests. They say that you should start getting regular mammo's at 45 here every 3 yrs! BUT I know a girl who's sister got breast cancer and died before she was even 30! They need to check us for this sooner than 45.

If you're a woman and you have not been checked please check yourself and make sure if anything weird goes on to insist that they listen to you. It could be a sign of something you need to have looked into.

Anyway I went off on a tangent here. What I was saying is that for some reason here lately I'm really sad. I'm missing mom a lot more it's hurting like it did when she first passed away. I'm very emotional about things and I'm really starting to get used to being alone and that's not good. If I don't watch it I'll end up like one of those unsocial senior dogs you see on those TV behavior shows that bites everyone and growls all the time!! *hehe*

Oh well this too shall pass, or at least I hope it does. I'm so tired of being sad all the time and nobody understands it. I have looked everywhere for a support group etc to talk to ppl who have gone through losing both parents but there are none. Am I really the only one going through this or affected this deeply by it? It seriously makes me wonder.

It's no fun falling apart.


Until next time,